Well it's almost time for Nathalie's Graduation..this coming Saturday (5/29/2010)..It will be a great day and an emotional day. My last baby girl is graduating high school!! OMG! We haven't decided yet what to do for her celebration, but we're a last minute type of family..so we'll have something she wants to do.. I know my momma would be very proud of "her girl" and all that Nathalie has accomplished throughout her years. I, myself, am very proud of her...she felt the stress when she was involved with all the different 'extra' activities from her classes or clubs.. but still she made it...I just can't put into words how I feel...it's just a feeling of different sorts...
Well the year is coming to a close for Nathalie...She had sooo much involvement this year: JROTC, Student Council, Pacestters, ....and with each group, lots of different activities: DASH, organizing walks, dances, conventions, games, practices... It's all ending....This week on Friday and Saturday, she will have her final show for us parents at the Pacesetter Stage Show. Saturday is when the Seniors will hang up their hats and move on...and since the drill team coach is leaving ..she has requested that the Pacesetters get to wear their outfits one last time for the student/faculty basketball game next week. So during half-time, the Pacesetters will be performing their kick routines...and that will be the last show, the last time to dance...I know that Nathalie will be crying come Saturday, when she has to hang up her hat...and I too will be sad to see her do that.. she was all into being a Pacesetter, she loved every minute of it.
I know that all women feel they know it all, especially when in their teens...but we were all daughters in this lifetime.. and I know I want better for my girls and their girls...I know that there have been times I just feel like giving up and I know that my momma went through the same thing.. she went through more things but she never gave up, even when she was weak, she never gave up. Now we are living for her and we cannot give up, when times get tough, we must keep going..not only for our sake, but for our kids...
In My Daughter's Eyes / Martina McBride
Lyrics:
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero I am strong and wise and I know no fear But the truth is plain to see She was sent to rescue me I see who I wanna be In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak I find reason to believe In my daughter's eyes
And when she wraps her hand around my finger Oh it puts a smile in my heart Everything becomes a little clearer I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough It's giving more when you feel like giving up I've seen the light It's in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future A reflection of who I am and what will be Though she'll grow and someday leave Maybe raise a family When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me For I'll be there In my daughter's eyes
This is what I would have loved to have.. one moment more with my momma. I will never forget her flatlined and then one big breath (one moment more)...13...
Lyrics:
One Moment More / Mindy Smith
Hold me Even though I know you're leaving And show me All the reasons you would stay It's just enough to feel your breath on mine To warm my soul and ease my mind You've got to hold me and show me now
Give me Just one part of you to cling to And keep me Everywhere you are It's just enough to steal my heart and run And fade out with the falling sun
Oh, please don't go Let me have you just one moment more Oh, all I need All I want is just one moment more You've got to hold me and keep me
Tell me that someday you'll be returning And maybe Maybe I'll believe It's just enough to see a shooting star To know you're never really far It's just enough to see a shooting star To know you're never really gone
Oh, please don't go Let me have you just one moment more Oh, all I need All I want is just one moment more
Oh, please don't go Let me have you just one moment more Oh, all I need All I want is just one moment more You've got to hold me and maybe I'll believe
Well we actually were all together this year for New Year's. We headed to Belinda's house and she had a cook-out with meat, rice, beans, drinks..we had a good time... midnight came so fast.. Mauricio wasn't feeling to good so we didn't really stay that long into the New Year.... I called momma's #, just like in the previous years, and wished her a Happy New Year. Noone has her # yet, but even if someone had the # I would still say "Happy New Year Momma"...
Our first year without her, almost a year since she passed away. I keep thinking back to that morning, Monday Jan 19th, and all of us at the hospital with her, laughing and joking...noone knew that would be our last time to hear her laugh and joke with the nurse. It still doesn't seem real, even after all these months. I still feel that I have not mourned her death, it doesn't seem real yet..is this normal? There are times when I'm driving home from work and I'll look at her memory card (from funeral) and I just talk to her...listening to some CDs, and I can just see her next to me tapping her hand and nodding her head to the beat..or singing along...there are times that I feel myself making an expression that my mom would make.. I don't know how to explain it, but if I'm thinking of something or just staring at something, I feel inside as if it's my mother's pose/expression...
Well yesterday was Mario's big night... his 1st BB game... he said that he was nervous.. in the 1st half, when he played, the coaches were just yelling at him, "what are you doing".. Mario couldn't figure out what was going on...so the coach took him out and had a talk with him, showing him what to do with the clipboard and outlying the play... so in the 2nd half, Mario went in to play again, he scored 12 points out of the 56 they ended up with.
Of course his school won, 56 to 11....after the game, he was just bragging to everyone .. not bad for a first timer huh... he was soo excited and definatly had his adrenalyn going strong...I gave him my ticket and he wrote the school they played against and the score, he said that he is going to keep the tickets in his binder...he said that he likes his coach, it's a new coach this year, Mario said that he is very strict but he's the best coach MISD has right now in their Middle schools...Mario said that he's a good coach, he listens when one talks to him, and he talks to one with no distruptions, he is straight forward with everyone.
So much has happened with our families (mine / sisters) our Momma was the one person that everyone could talk to and would turn to for guidance. I know that there is so much to talk about with Momma...Just to hear her words/voice again...but in my head, I always hear her voice, whenever I remember something that she would say or do or even her laughter... I am thankful that I do have her on some home videos...
Address in the Stars:
I stumbled across your picture today I could barely breath The moment stopped me cold, Grabbed me like a thief. I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair I just wanted to hear your voice, I just needed to hear your voice.
Chorus: What do I do with all I need to say So much I wanna tell you everyday Oh it breaks my heart, I cry these tears in the dark I write these letters to you, But they get lost in the blue, 'Cause there's no address in the stars.
Verse 2: Now I'm drivin' Through the pitch black dark I'm screaming at the sky Oh cause it hurts so bad Everybody tells me Oh all I need is time Then the mornin' rolls in And it hits me again And that aint nothin' but a lie.
Chorus: What do I do with all I need to say So much I wanna tell you everday Oh it breaks my heart, I cry these tears in the dark I write these letters to you, But they get lost in the blue, 'Cause there's no address in the stars.
Verse 3: Without you here with me, I don't know what to do. I'd give anything Just to talk to you Oh it breaks my heart, Oh it breaks my heart, But all I can do Is write these letters to you, But there's no address in the stars.
