3rd week of hospitalization

This is the 3rd week of my momma in the hospital...

On Tuesday, Feb. 3, 2009...my sisters and I had a meeting with my momma's doctor to get an update on her progress...Dr. Desoyza said that she wasn't getting any better. Dr. Desoyza stated that her body has adjusted with the medication she is receiving for her blood pressure, but she cannot stay on that medication too long and without it her pressure will drop..also, her breathing is weak, without the machine she will probably only last 1-2 hrs breathing on her own. Dr. Desoyza also stated that our mom has now developed bed sores on her back from laying in bed all this time. Our mom has always told us that she didn't want to be kept alive on a machine. Dr. Desoyza stated that keeping our mom on the machine and keeping her sedated for times, she will be suffering. Her blood pressure medication is only for a limited time, she is on the highest level they can administer. After talking with Dr. Desoyza yesterday and us girls having time to talk, our decision is to have our mom removed from her machine on Sunday, February 8th. We found out she was born on Sunday, April 29, 1945...so we will let her rest on a Sunday.

This same night, after checking on my mom and while talking with her, I went through my usual questions, can you hear me, are you in pain, are you cold, and this time when I asked if she was tired, she nodded her head yes.. I started crying, because I knew that meant she was suffering after all this time. I know that she is a fighter and this has worn her out. Daniela asked if she wanted the machine/tube removed, and momma nodded yes...Daniela asked her, if she knew what will happen if they were to remove the machine/tube.. and momma didn't answer.

Daniela has made the comment that this decision would be much easier had my momma been brain dead ... but knowing that she can hear us and she answers us.. makes it so much harder.

On Thursday, February 5, 2009... when I was about to go to sleep that night, I had turned off the TV and turned off the light, get covered and feel this cool breeze on my face. I know it wasn't from my ceiling fan, because I leave that sucker on all the time.. and this was a cool fresh air type of breeze. (in my mind, it was my momma letting me know everything will be okay)

On Friday, February 6, 2009... I was planning on working 1/2 day... I mentioned to my supervisor about our decision for Sunday and that my kids didn't have any school and my supervisor said that I could take the day off to spend with my family and my momma...So that is what we did, I had Nathalie and Mario up at the hospital all day.. and Guicho arrived later that evening after work.

On Sunday, February 8, 2009...I had all my family there, me, all my kids, and Guicho were there all day with me.. Belinda and her family, Daniela and hers.. our aunts, cousins, friends...etc...

The time came to take momma off of lifesport...(she had tears)...I was holding her right hand with Daniela next to me touching momma's leg and Belinda holding the left hand. I just kept watching momma loosing her will to fight.. her heart rate was dropping ..so was her blood pressure...Belinda put a cell phone next to momma's ear and her friend from online was blessing her and guiding her...I see her heart rate drop to the 40's, her eyes are still opened with tears...then her heart rate dropped to the 20's...it seemed as if not even 5 minutes have gone by...everything was happening so fast... I looked up and she flat lined!! She takes one more deep breath .. heart rate raises to 13 and then straight to flat line....I lost it, and yelled.. "NOOOO... momma you can't ... NOOOO... momma !!" Then Daniela and Belinda both looked at the machine and both lost it... Daniela started hitting her husband out of anger .. they tried to get her to calm down with some juice and a chair... Belinda started balling saying.."Ama...nooo ... Ama". This was a very emotional day for everyone...

My momma was the youngest of 7 and the first of the girls to pass on...at times when I remember all that has happened to her, I feel as if I am reliving some things that she went through only reversed...

1. she was the youngest - I am the youngest
2. she had 1 son and then 3 girls - I have 3 girls then 1 son
3. she had bell's palsy on the right side of her face - I have it on my left side
4. she had circulation problem with her right leg - I have it on my left side
5. she had a granddaughter then grandson - I have granddaughter then grandson